


We're Gonna Be Ok

by realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle



Category: Shameless (US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:29:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2087157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle/pseuds/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An intimate talk</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Gonna Be Ok

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for sweet couple moments, I should stop but I can't help myself.

 

 

"Uh alright Gallagher, I'll be back in a few hours.  There's food and I left your pills there next to you.  Mandy should be back soon and Svetlana and Yev are in the front."

"Mick really I'm fine, just tired."

“Ian uh…”

“Just leave it Mick”

"Yeah ok, be back later."

"Thanks Mick, see you later."

Ian rolled over and listened patiently, waiting to hear Mickey exit the house and giving him a few minutes to head down the block before he threw back the covers.  It had been months since the diagnosis and medication trials.  For the most part Ian had been doing well but this new medication sometimes made him nauseated and he did his best to hide it from Mickey.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the worst side effect.  Of course it was his Gallagher luck that the medicine that finally evened him out took away his sex drive too.  No matter what he tried he just couldn't get hard.  

Satisfied that Mickey was gone he swallowed down his pills and made his way to the shower to let the hot water wash over him.  He knew Mickey was worried because he had been moping these last few days.  He wanted to reassure him that this wasn’t another depressive stage but then he’d have to explain why he was so upset.  Once he was diagnosed they went through a range of medicines and therapy appointments and through it all (well after the really bad depressive episode) the one thing that hadn’t suffered was their sex life.  That changed a month and a half ago. 

 

_“Fuck that kid wouldn’t fall asleep fats enough, you better not have gotten started without me Gallagher.”_

_Ian didn’t make eye contact with Mickey and instead removed his shirt, silently convincing himself it was nothing.  He would get hard as soon as Mickey touched him._

_“Yeah Mick, that’s what happens when you let him drink Kool-Aid.  Not good for babies you know, try milk.”_

_“That’s all my mom ever gave us and we’re fine.”_

_“Yeah Mandy maybe, but you Milkovich boys are all a little screwy.”_

_Ian laughed as Mickey tackled him to the bed, “Hey fuck you Gallagher, we’re badass….well I don’t know Colin and Iggy are kind of fucking stupid but I must be good huh, I hooked me fucking hot redhead. “_

_Ian laughed as Mickey scrunched up his face and then leaned close until their mouths were almost touching.  “Why the fuck are we talking about my family right now anyway?”_

_Ian leaned up and connected their lips as his hands gripped Mickey’s hips tightly.  He could feel his hard on and pressed Mickey into him even harder, silently praying for his own hard on to join the party.  After making out for a few minutes he felt it the moment Mickey realized he was the only one physically excited.  Ian felt tears sting his eyes as Mickey drew back._

_“Uh..”_

_“Don’t Mick, please just don’t say anything.” Ian pulled Mickey back against him and felt relief when Mickey let him without resistance and simply rolled them to the side.  Eventually they had to break apart to breathe and Ian couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact._

_“Ian it’s ok”_

_“I’m sorry Mick, I want to really I do.  I don’t know why I…why it’s…fuck I’m sorry”_

_“Stop apologizing Gallagher.” Mickey began slowly rubbing Ian’s back, feeling the tension gathered there.  “Look at me Gallagher.”_

_Ian’s voice shook with the tears of embarrassment that were filling his eyes, “No Mickey let’s just go to sleep.”_

_“Fuck no, look at me Ian.” Mickey stopped rubbing Ian’s back and wiped the tears that had started falling.  “We both know it’s the medicine Ian, the doctor warned us several times.  Don’t you dare apologize again; it doesn’t matter to me and you sure as shit better not be trying to fuck anybody else.”_

_Ian felt his mouth twitch as he pulled Mickey in close, “I’ll tell the doctor and we’ll fix it ok, I’ll try new medicine to fix it.”_

_“Hey,” Mickey leaned back to look Ian directly in the eyes “I don’t give a shit about this, the meds are supposed to help your brain.  Don’t start fucking with something that’s working cuz you think I’m bothered by this, ok?”_

_“Ok Mick, ok” Ian pulled Mickey back into him, the tears came again when he realized he no longer felt his boyfriend’s boner against his leg._

 

Ian turned the water off and shook his head to rid himself of the memory.  The first few weeks after that incident he’d convinced himself that it wasn’t going to be a problem and they could wait it out until it got fixed, but this last week had convinced him otherwise.  Mickey had been coming to bed later and later.  He was no less attentive during the day but Ian had definitely noticed something was up.  Most nights he slid into bed and placed his hand around Ian’s arm like he had at Brian’s loft.  He knew it was meant to be a signal that he was there but all it signaled to Ian was how far away he felt Mickey really was.  So last night when Mickey crept into their room he was surprised to see Ian waiting for him.  Ian had planned on giving him a blowjob and was licking his lips accordingly but Mickey quickly grabbed boxers and mumbled something about a shower before exiting the room.  Ian rolled his eyes and made his way to the kitchen, a million thoughts running through his mind. 

“Pills, you take pills?”

He looked up from his thoughts to find Svetlana and Yev staring him in the face. “Uh yeah, Mickey left them by the bed.  I took them before I got in the shower.”

“Good, piece of shit husband not so piece of shit when Carrot Boy doing better.  Help with baby, don’t yell.”

“Hmph, yeah I guess you’re right.”

“Carrot boy getting sick again?”

Ian looked at her confused, “Uh no, just been a little tired”

“Why he cry every night when house dark?”

“What?  Who Mickey? He’s been crying?”  Ian knew he sounded ridiculous but his mind stretched back over the last few weeks and Mickey’s late nights.

“Cry yes, I hear when I come for milk.  Not big cry, sad cry.”

“What's a uh sad cry?”

Svetlana seemed to have trouble coming up with an explanation but thought for a moment before speaking again.

“I work for Sasha, I have man come same time same day for special massage.  Never late, never miss. Only not massage, not really just want to talk while I hold hand.  He thought wife was sick because of him too…he stare at wall and sad cry.  Then he wipe eyes, pay, leave.  Shit husband remind me of him.”

Ian was dumbfounded, “Oh I get it, sad cry....I’m like the wife huh, Mickey blames himself for me being bi-polar?”

“Husband have same look in his eye as client, it's called love, no?  Stupid me, still have Russian schoolgirl dream of love sometimes, so I tell him talk to her. He come back next time but just say thank you, give me big tip and never return.  No more easy massage, other men really want special massage.”

Ian smiled slightly at her annoyed face, “So uh, did you tell Mickey to talk to me?”

Svetlana pushed Yev into Ian’s arms “You watch baby so I shower, yes?”

“Uh yeah sure”

Svetlana paused and stared at Ian, “Client have nobody who will try killing him for talking, easy thing for me to tell him to talk.  Maybe this time is different, instead sick wife will have to do the talking, yes?”

Ian smiled while he bounced Yev in his arms, understanding exactly what Svetlana meant. “Yes”

 

***

 

It was late when Mickey walked back into the Milkovich household, he had spent all day collecting and then all evening at the rub ‘n tug.  He only decided to leave things in Kev’s hands when Mandy called and said Svetlana was on her way to work and she had gotten Debbie to watch Yev because she had been called back in to pick up a shift.  Even though Ian was stable and on his meds Mickey never liked to leave him alone for too long. 

“Hey, didn’t expect you to still be up”

“Mick, it’s not even 10 o’clock.  Only toddlers are in bed right now.”

“Yeah ok, just remember you’re supposed to be getting rest.”

“I know Mick”

There was a silence before Mickey made his way to the kitchen and came back out to plop on the couch with a sandwich in his hand.  “The fuck you watching Gallagher?”

“Green Street Hooligans Mick, you’d like it.  British boys who’ll beat the shit out of you if you’re against their club.”

“Club?”

“Yeah football club, but not American football, soccer.  Lip stole it for us, thought we’d like it.”

Mickey just nodded and watched quietly while he finished his sandwich.  When Ian started yawning Mickey suddenly jumped up declaring he needed a shower.

“Keep this up Mick and people might actually start thinking you care about your appearance.”

“Fuck you asshole, excuse me if I need a shower after listening to drunken idiots jizz all day.”

“Yeah ok, I’m going to bed.” 

Ian didn’t bother trying to kiss Mickey and just slipped past him and walked into the bedroom.  He knew Mickey would be most relaxed after he got out of the shower and was climbing into bed.  So that’s exactly what he waited for.

 

***

 

“Took you long enough”

“Fuck Gallagher!” Mickey hated how he jumped like a little bitch and quickly sat down on the bed.  He scowled and shoved Ian just for good measure.  “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Waiting for you”

“Well I’m here, let’s go to sleep.”

“Wait, uh do you want to maybe make-out?”

Ian saw Mickey tense up and shielded himself for the immediate “fuck off” that he was certain was about to come out of Mickey’s mouth.  Instead, Mickey rubbed his chin and looked uncomfortable but stayed silent.

“Fuck you Mickey, you can’t even find the balls to tell me no?  You’re just gonna sit there and not say anything!”

Mickey whipped his head so his eyes met Ian’s, his face was angry now. “Fuck you right back Ian, you don’t know shit about my balls.” Mickey knew how ridiculous that statement was the moment he said it but refused to back down.

Ian was ready to yell back but just felt his whole body deflate, “I used to though.  Guess somebody else gets that privilege now huh?”  Ian silently cursed himself and turned over with his back to Mickey.  This had not gone as planned, he wanted to talk but when Mickey couldn’t even answer him he had seen red and felt like a complete idiot.

“Ian fuck don’t do that.”  Mickey tugged Ian’s shoulder until he was lying on his back staring up at the older boy.

“It’s fine Mick, you’re right…I’m sorry.”

“Gallagher, what the fuck did I say about you apologizing for shit that ain't your fault all the time?”

Ian gave a half smile and let the silence sit while they stared at each other before replying.

“I miss you Mickey”

Mickey saw the sadness and couldn’t help himself from laying his head down on Ian’s chest and throwing his arm around his waist.  “I’m right here Ian”

Both boys lay in silence for a while until Mickey surprised Ian by speaking up first.  “I read a fucking pamphlet type shit thing.”

Ian instinctively began running his hand up and down Mickey’s back, knowing that any emotional talks automatically made him tense.  “Whaddya mean?”

“You know, about your dick, and the medicine.”

Ian felt himself tense but willed himself to relax because this was what he wanted, to talk and figure out what was going on. “And?”

“Said a lot of stupid shit, but mostly that I should try to uh…take care of myself away from you so it wouldn’t be weird or make you feel bad.”

Ian smiled beginning to piece things together but opted to stay silent and continue rubbing Mickey’s back.

“It felt weird you know, having to hide and rub one out again.  S’why I started locking the door when I shower.  Sometimes I would leave the Alibi early and go to the baseball field.”

“Hope you were thinking about me” Ian nudged Mickey’s back.

“No fuckface, I was thinking about my other boyfriend.” Mickey rolled his eyes, “who the fuck else would I be thinking about.”  Mickey paused, "You know there isn't anybody else asshole."

“Okay okay,” Ian laughed and moved his hand up to scratch softly up and down over the base of Mickey’s neck where his hairline ended.  “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me at night?”

To Ian’s surprise Mickey seemed totally relaxed when he answered, “Yeah man, I already fucked up enough with you. I wanted to get this right.”

“Get it right?”

“I know even though I tell you it doesn’t matter to me, you still have it in that head of yours that I give a shit about whether or not your dick works.  You were upset when it happened and I didn’t want to make it worse.  I know all this shit is on me and I get that, I know I fucked things up.  But we’re together now, a couple and shit and I like that, I like this.  Before, I kept pretending that it didn’t matter, that you didn’t matter.  That’s bullshit though Ian and I don’t give a fuck if it’s your brain or your dick that won’t work, you’re mine and I’m yours.”

Ian squeezed him tightly as Mickey continued, “Of course I want to fucking kiss you man, I just know I’ll get a hard-on and I didn’t want to make it weird.  I can hide it in my jeans but at night, like this, I can’t so I just tried waiting till you were sleep before getting in bed.”

“Mick,” Ian spoke softly willing himself not to cry “thank you for being considerate.  I was so fucking scared you were ready to walk away.  I don’t mind feeling it you know, I just miss making out with you.”  Mickey groaned, he felt like a middle-schooler when Ian called it making out.  “Don’t groan that’s what everybody calls it.  Besides, there’s other stuff I can do for you.  Handjob, suck you off, maybe be the bottom a few times for you.”

Mickey rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.  Ian was confused and stayed lying silently next to him, not knowing what he said that had annoyed Mickey.  When he finally did speak, Mickey's voice was low, serious, and escaping through gritted teeth.

“We ain’t doing that shit and don't say it anymore.  Those geriatric fucking pervs have you thinking that’s what makes you special Ian but it’s not.  You’re not some fucking twink who’s only here to help guys bust a fucking nut.  The second time we fucked, you know when I came to the Kash n Grab, that was the last time that I only did it to get off.  After that, all the other times I kept coming back cuz I already fucking liked you. I didn’t come find you because I missed you fucking me.  I didn’t practically move into the Gallagher madness just cuz I wanted you to keep fucking me, and I sure as shit didn’t stage my own mini gay pride parade at the Alibi in front of my dad just for your dick.  So don’t ask me to treat you like some whore from the rub ‘n tug, you’re way more than that man, always have been.”

Ian moved his hand down to thread his fingers with Mickey’s and squeezed tightly whispering “thank you for saying that" so low that it took Mickey a moment to figure out what he said.  This time he couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down the sides of his face.  Minutes passed before he spoke again.

“Mickey, I was so wrong that night at the Alibi when I called you a coward.  You are the bravest fucking guy that I know.  Your dad, what happened that morning and with the wedding, that was fucking awful.  I get it now, I know why you weren’t ready to talk and I was wrong for trying to push you.   I get marrying her too, I know you did it to protect both of our lives and I’m just sorry I couldn’t see it at the time.” 

Ian, still clasping Mickey’s hand, turned to the side and pulled Mickey’s jaw so that two sets of tear filled eyes were looking right at each other.  “Me being bi-polar is not your fault, our relationship has been hard and based on where we live and what's happening with me it’s only going to continue to be hard.  But my fucked up brain is not your fault and I am not going to let you keep blaming yourself for it.  We both made mistakes but you are not the cause of my problems, you’re the reason I finally feel like somebody sees me…you’re the reason I’m here.  I fucking love you Mickey and I’ll stop thinking of myself as just a twink if you stop thinking of yourself as a fuck-up.”  Ian leaned up and softly kissed Mickey’s lips, “you have always been more than that to me.”

Ian pulled Mickey in for another soft kiss before lying back and pulling Mickey onto his chest.  Mickey scratched Ian’s torso softly and said “I fucking love you too you know.”  Ian smiled and squeezed him gently while placing a kiss on his head. 

 

Ian had almost fallen asleep when he heard Mickey whisper “and thank you for saying that.”  Ian kept quiet, knowing Mickey thought he was asleep but his heart skipped a beat and he smiled to himself, knowing they were going to be ok.

 

 

 


End file.
